I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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