Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
