I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
