a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
