pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
