Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
