Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize