The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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