it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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