the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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