I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
