I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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