She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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