He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
