belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
