He told me they were just razor bumps!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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