It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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