woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
