Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
