Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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