Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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