I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
