He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
