as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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