Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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