I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
