He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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