Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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