you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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