Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You took a bar mat shot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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