the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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