I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
