so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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