Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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