I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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