this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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