hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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