And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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