happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
