i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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