I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Text me some of your sweat
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
