He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize