just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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