i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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