you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
