my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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