Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He felt like a one man threesome
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
