Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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