There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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