Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
