Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
