I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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