Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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