Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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