Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
