Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize