Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
