He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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