dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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