i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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