i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
