i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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