For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
