Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
