not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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