dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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