I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize